Movie: Love Happens Wednesday, Sep 16 2009

Okay, who in Vancouver, Canada, wants to watch this with me? lol. Oh I’m such a sucker for sappy lovey dovey chick flicks. Maybe it’s the song that’s getting to me – btw it’s Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls.

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What do you Expect? Sunday, Sep 13 2009

We all do it. We all have some sort of expectations when it comes to boyfriends and girlfriends. Expectations meaning they should do certain things at certain times.Some girls expect flowers from boys, and boys, well you know what boys expect from us Of course we don’t all expect the same things – but we do look forward to things.

Think about it, what do YOU expect?

To share a personal story, I love birthdays and they are important days to me. One of my exboyfriends didn’t celebrate my birthday starting at midnight and I was super upset! I thought he was going to surprise me but he didn’t do anything and I was UTTERLY disappointed. Of course, it was stubborn of me to think that he would automatically know to celebrate with me starting at that time but I was really looking forward to it. I look forward to a lot of things. I expect him to know.

Being a sap for chick flicks and love stories, I must admit I long for those dramatic relationships. I would meet the guy maybe in a grocery store, give him my number, we would go out to a great dinner and show for the first night and have our amazing first kiss. He would surprise me with cute things that only I would understand. We then would have this huge fight, like unbelievably big fight and not talk to each other for months. Then somehow bump into him one day and realize he’s the one. Yes, I have it all planned out. Does it sound silly? Does that really happen in real life? Probably does to some people.And because of this wild and vivid imagination that I have, I expect things. And I think we all do.

I sometimes would think to myself: why didn’t he give me this gift but this other gift; why didn’t he realize I wanted to go to this restaurant and not this other place; or why didn’t he know to call back immediately when we get into a fight? I keep asking why. I’m kind of selfish that way.Then I realize, in this whole process of dating very different people and various experiences that he doesn’t know what I’m thinking. He isn’t me. Why the hell am I expecting him to do something I would do?

Instead, I should be thinking – wow he remembered that I like jewelery. He remembered that I like to eat out. He knows to give me time and space to calm and think before he talks to me again after a fight. Doesn’t that sound so much better? Shouldn’t we think that way?

So why not take time, and thank your boyfriend or your girlfriend for being who they are. Thank them for something special they’ve done for you and don’t take anything for granted.

Sometimes we have to forget about what we don’t have, and look at what we do have.

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Throw It Out Thursday, Jul 23 2009

If you know me personally really well – you have probably seen  my room (but I can count the people on one hand), and you would realize how messy my room is. No seriously, my room is pretty messed up. Everytime I clean my room, I always find old papers, letters, cards, clothes, etc…. and I would never throw them out. Now, there is a reason for this, well my reason anyways. These old items all contain some sort of memory. For example, that top I bought from Hawaii during my highschool music trip. That sweater my exboyfriend got it for me. That card contains special words from my friends. That game – man I had good times with that game. Thus, more things gets stacked up and put aside in my room. Even though there’s so many things – it’s like my little space of memories. And I realize, my room reflects on who I am…

Now, I’m thinking – when is it gonna end?

See, I’m very organized when it comes to work and school (well I struggle with student procrastinate syndrome) but when it comes to my personal life, why do I struggle? Why is it so hard for  me to throw things out? See, I’m a Plan-B girl and I overpack and I always have something extra just in case. Is it because I might need to  use these things one day?

Maybe, just maybe I’m just lying to myself. Letting those things go means I will lose the memories – but how would I know if I don’t. Perhaps, I have baggage.

Throwing these objects out can be liberating though! Heck – you don’t need things to remind you of your past, you have those memories in your heart. And nobody, and I mean nobody can make you forget it. If it was that important to you, it will be in your hearts forever. If you don’t, it probably wasn’t that important in your life anyways.

You don’t have to throw everything out – but check out some of the things you have and think to yourself: did this have a great impact on my life, will it have an impact on me now, and will be have an impact on me in the future? Besides, looking at old things can be a great experience. This is what I have to do, and I encourage you to do so too.

Love yourself and throw out the unnecessary baggage.

So go ahead, throw things out, buy new things, move on!

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How to Stay Strong Sunday, Jun 28 2009

I’m not afraid to admit it – I’m a crier and I’ll cry about anything. You know, I hate crying though. I hate the reasons I would cry, I hate the way I look when I cry, and I hate that someone is seeing me crying.

I remember a fight I had with a certain exboyfriend and I started crying. He yelled at me and said “why are you crying? why do you cry all the time? It’s so annoying!” That would certainly be an example of a relationship that I would never want to land myself back into that situation again. Ever since that time, I also saw crying as a weakness and I hate to let anyone see me cry. I would walk off and go to another room or something because I don’t want comfort. To me, crying was wrong.

That scene would play back in my head over and over again.

It too me a long time, a very long time to break up with him. I always blamed myself for not cutting myself loose sooner. I think most people have experienced the same problem as me – staying in an unhealthy relationship and just wanted to stay in it longer crossing fingers that it would get better and that you are stronger than this.

I’m a fighter when it comes to love, I don’t like to give up.

But Sometimes… this means letting go. It really goes down to fear. Fear of being single, fear of losing someone important in your life.

Really, really think though – this is your life. What do  you strive for? You strive for happiness. Honestly, does being in an unhealthy relationship mean happiness to you? If so, then be it. If not, then why are you letting yourself be unhappy, and be in pain? We constantly think of excuses and excuses to make ourselves believe that a hurtful situation is okay.

Honey, you’re not happy. You’re not okay. So let go. Just let go.Why not give yourself an opportunity to discover something new, and discover yourself? What if you can’t go back? Good, I wouldn’t want you to go back to something that hurts you. Treat yourself better. Go and be happy! Be proud that you let go of something that didn’t make you happy – that you actually want to make your life an amazing journey

Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.

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Just Grow Up Saturday, Jun 13 2009

So – I haven’t written in this blog for awhile cause yet and I just want to take the chance to thank the people (with a very appreciate bow, seriously) who have been asking me “so why haven’t you posted on the mandycandy blog lately???”- I’ve been using the time to really develop myself with courses and the fashion blog me and my friend Kim have developed (thefgame.com). But I was thinking just about my past and how I have grown from all the past love experiences – 2008 was busy for me, certainly learned A LOT. Every experience has certainly provided me with new perspectives and somehow I see my past blog posts and I would find myself disagreeing with myself now!

I keep writing that love is all powerful – I still believe in that. But somehow I forget to factor in that everyone treats love differently. Not everyone can be as courageous as others and surrender themselves entirely. Sometimes, there really are things you have to consider and not everything will work your way. Experiencing love means you have to experience pain – that’s the way it is. Not everything is going to be the way you want – that’s how love comes. I also wrote that when you fall in love, you just know and there shouldn’t be anything stopping you. Again, I learned and realized that sometimes love just doesn’t happen in an instant. Maybe for some couples they just know right away – but sometimes love just takes time. It takes time to know someone, it takes time to accept the person, and it takes time to realize that he is the gap in your life.

Oh goodness I can be so silly when it comes to infatuation and love. My mom always says whoever becomes my boyfriend is a lucky man cause I always treat them so well. Then I thought about it, that maybe that’s not love. I was never truly happy with them – I eventually can’t see them in their future. They would want to see me everyday, like literally everyday! They would call me everyday – and you know, I always perceived that as they really love me cause they want to hear my voice and see me and be with me everyday.

Lately, I realized that is wrong.

I remember there was this one guy that I was seeing and he was doing an intensive course during that time. I would get upset that he didn’t call me for days, only text messages. and he would call maybe every 3 days. At that time, a girlfriend kept convincing me that he probably isn’t that interested and eventually I got upset and pushed him away. Similar thing happened again and my friend J said – “you know what? You gotta cut him some slack. He doesn’t call you as often cause he trusts you. He doesn’t need to hear your voice or see your face everyday to know that you’re always there for him” WOW epiphany. Really. I never considered that viewpoint. I always thought if he doesn’t call you at least everyday two days it means he’s not interested in you. I grew up from that moment. I realized that everyone is different. Not everyone shows love the same way. Not everyone needs to call everyday. Not everyone needs to see each other everyday – it is the feeling that he or she is there for you that is enough.

My lesson: Everyone loves differently. You can’t expect everyone to love the same way you do.

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Last Request Thursday, May 7 2009

What goes through your mind when you know your relationship is coming to an end? What do you think your last words will be with him/her? What do you say when you have to end things but you really don’t want to? I’m really feeling this song lately so I want to share it with all of you.

Last Request – Paolo Nutini

Slow down, Lie down,
Remember it’s just you and me.
Don’t sell out, bow out,
Remember how this used to be.

I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let’s get closer tonight

[chorus:]
Grant my last request,
And just let me hold you.
Don’t shrug your shoulders,
Lay down beside me.
Sure I can accept that we’re going nowhere,
But one last time let’s go there,
Lay down beside me

Oh, I’ve found, that I’m bound
To wander down that one way road.
And I realise all about your lies
But I’m no wiser than the fool I was before.

I just want you closer,
Is that alright?
Baby let’s get closer tonight

[chorus]

Oh, baby, baby, baby,
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?

[chorus x2]

Yeah, lay down beside me.

One last time let’s go there,
Lay down beside me

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The Past, The Future, The Present Tuesday, May 5 2009

Been on a hiatus again since school was out and just needed time to myself – time to reflect on what I want in life and what direction I’m heading. This blog post might be a lil bit deeper than usual (or it might just be the about the same just cause I’m such a DEEP person).

I have been thinking about my past relationships. I’ve met some quite interesting characters. I started to think about what happened in those relationships – what went wrong, was it me, was it him? Oh yeah, I’ve been hurt, but who hasn’t right? I have learned to grow from the pain and become a stronger person but of course there’s that casual emotional breakdown when it doesn’t work out with a man lol. I’m glad I’ve learned to let go of the pain. I have seen some people who couldn’t let go of the past and afraid that what they have endured will happen to them once again. They let the past scare them. It stops them from living in the present. We all do it though. Heck, I sometimes wonder if a certain guy is taking advantage of me because someone did that to me in the past. I think it’s a process. Some recover quickly, some don’t. I think the only way to resolve it is really to face your fear. Nobody can force you to forget the past and you shouldn’t. The past is there to help you learn to face the present, not be scared of it.

What about the future? Since the future is unknown, people are often hopeful that the future is bright for them. However, I find myself letting the fear of the future stop me from enjoying the present. I remember this one time where I’m crazy about this guy. Man I was falling for him – I started to think about what an awesome husband he would be (I totally sound crazy here I know) – BUT I gotta clarify that I am only truly attracted to someone when I could see myself long term with him. Cause sometimes I wonder what’s the point of having just a one night stand (the physical pleasure? yeah I know) when you can have a meaningful relationship? However, sometimes I let that thought cloud over my head. I start to become scared. I’m having such great fun with him right now, we never really talked about the future, should I even bring it up? Why ruin something that is going great? At the same time, is it truly great if we don’t know the future holds for us? Maybe I’m just giving myself an excuse to be scared so I could give myself an early heartbreak. However, what if there isn’t heartbreak in the future but you have just created it yourself?

We often let fear from the past and of the future distract us from living in the present. Sometimes the best thing is just to let go and just live. You learn from the past. No one knows what will happen tomorrow. So why not enjoy the moment?

Most people are prisoners, thinking only about the future or living in the past. They are not in the present, and the present is where everything begins.

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Twitter – The New Booty Call and Disappearance of Courtship Wednesday, Apr 22 2009

If you have seen He’s Just Not Into You, you would remember that scene where they mention that Myspace is the new bootycall. Is it really though? Facebook has become the biggest social media website with the most vistors more than Myspace, and we see a monstrous growth of Twitter.With short quick updates and a limit to the messages you send, twitter has become what I think a future to bootycalls.

What is Twitter? Twitter is a social media website that asks one question: “what are you doing?” Answers also known as tweets must be under 140 characters in length and can be sent via mobile texting, instant message, or the web. You can connect with individuals from other networks of even follow your friends and see what they are doing on a day to day basis. You can send messages to other people under 140 characters as well. With the collaboration of twitter and cellphones, people can basically update… every single second!

The funny thing about Twitter is literally you can update anything that you’re doing – you can say that you are hanging out with your friend at Cactus Club right now or even say that you are watching a certain TV show at home. Your followers will know what you are doing at all times if you are a consistent twitterer.

With facebook, it’s much more easier to get to know a person more as facebook can reveal much more information about a person including the friends they have, applications, wall posts, pictures, etc. Twitter has that as well but in a much smaller capacity. You can post links to articles that you think is interesting or just reply to other people’s tweets.  I personally think facebook and twitter goes hand in hand – facebook gives you a general sense of the person, whereas twitter allows you to know their daily habits.

Why do I think Twitter is the new booty call? First of all, let’s trace back to the 1990s (oh so long ago) where booty calls were mainly based with phonecalls. A booty call – this is summarized from wikipedia, yes you can find booty call from wikipedia – is mainly a telephone call, other communication, or visitation with the sole intention of engaging sexual behaviors. We all must have experienced booty calls before whether you engaged it or if someone else have encouraged you to it.This usually happens when a traditional romantic date is unlikely usually late in the evening, after midnight, etc. First, we have phonecalls, then we evolutionized to emails, and then text messages.

Twitter’s format of short quick updates allow the other person to see when you are at any moment. Particularly if they can see where they are through their blackberry or iphone, they can choose to send you a message. Funny thing is, they don’t really have to elaborate much cause tweets are only allowed 140 characters max! For example, if your tweet is “sitting at home, watching sex and the city – loving carrie’s shoes!” – the other person might see it an perhaps call you, text you, or tweet you.

This also urges me to talk about the question of the disappearance of courtship? Many girls say that they don’t mind bootycalls – cause it’s just for fun and there are no feelings attached. That’s one way of seeing it, another way of seeing it might be why waste the time of having some fun with some random guy when the love of your life might just be around the corner. If he doesn’t want to engage in a relationship wtih you but still want the physical benefits, does he really respect you then? Yeah a booty call can become a relationship – but how often does that really happen? SERIOUSLY. Furthermore, people have stopped asking others out face to face or through phone calls. It’s so much easier for a guy to text you or message you to ask you out. Sometimes I do miss the old traditional courtship. It seems that has faded – have we accept this technological courtship as our future?

P.S. I’m also adding this youtube video on here just cause I think it’s adorable and so funny!

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Cute Bites in Vancouver Tuesday, Apr 21 2009

For those of you who know me, you know I’m a big foodie. I love food and I love trying out new restaurants. There are so many hidden gems in Vancouver that we should all go try and explore. I’ve saved up some suggestions ans lately I find myself saying a lot of “this is such a cute date place!” So why not try a new restaurant together as a cute lil date? Here are some of my suggestions for restaurants for dates

Nuba

This Lebanese cuisine restaurant is certainly a surprise as it is located at Cambie and Hastings downtown. As I walked downstairs into the restaurant, the first thing that popped into my mind was “wow, this is so cute!” The dimmed lights of the restaurant sure evoke a romantic atmosphere. The menu is full of small items to share so you and your date can definitely what each other likes I suggest trying the chicken tawook and the lamb kafta – so yummy.

Click here for Nuba Website

Havana

Havana is definitely a great date place during the summer with its spacious patio for you and your date located at the exciting multicultural Commercial Drive. This place can really be three dates in one. Other than enjoying great Cuban food, the restaurant also has its own art gallery attached. After dinner you can take a small stroll in the art gallery and enjoy each others’ perspective on art. You can also take a walk on Commercial Drive then come back to Havana for some of their famous mojitos! Can you say yum?

Click here for Havana Website

The Naam

This is a great place if your date is a vegetarian? Open twenty-four hours, The Naam is there for you if you and your date decide to have an impulse last minute get together. Their food is delicious and cost efficient with their humongous sizes – I often have to pack mine home. I definitely suggest trying their famous sesame fries with miso gravy. Your date would be wowed that you’re willing to try new things if you are a meat eater

Click here for The Naam Website

Sophie’s Cosmic Cafe

Located in Kitsilano, this place is great for breakfast/brunch dates. Their big waffles and pancakes are incredibly famous in Vancouver. Their patio is perfect for you two to enjoy trendy people walk by. I suggest trying their hot chocolates cause they’re huge and chocolate is an aphrodisiac you know? To avoid lineups I suggest trying to go there on a weekday morning

Click here for Sophie’s Cosmic Cafe Website

Japadog

YEAH! Japadogs! What better to enjoy downtown together for a casual date by having a stroll on Robson street with a hotdog in your hand? They are located on Burrard and Pender / Burrard and Smithe and they are simply mind boggling. Japadogs are hotdogs with Japanese flavorings. Often there are again huge lineups for them. I suggest trying the Terimayo as the beginner hotdog – but definitely give all of them a try. This Vancouver treat will show your date you know your food in the city You can also follow them at @japadog on Twitter!

Click here for Japadog Website

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Please comment and let ME know if there are cute places for dates and a bite Thanks a bunch! xoxo

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The Man Diet Friday, Apr 10 2009

This post is for the ladies! Sorry men but this can be applied to you too if you date lame ass women STATEMENT: I AM A MAGAZINE JUNKIE! And yes I do read Cosmopolitan *angelic ahh sound* So one article really striked me so I thought I would share it with you guys: “You May Be In A Lame-Ass-Guy Rut”

In the past year, I have dated a number of guys and I consider myself lucky to have so many experiences. I’ve met my exboyfriend, some great guys, and alas some not so great guys. Lately it has just been sad with the selection of men so I have decided to listen to some of the advice this article provides and just spend more time on myself

*Please note that the following is mostly summaries – if you do wish to read the article, it is the March 2009 issue of Cosmopolitan* The italic font and sometimes bold font is my personal comments.

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Step 1 Go on a Man Diet

Jumping from one guy to the next with no downtime in between is a big reason why women get stuck with lame guys. Why not try a guy detox? If you don’t have time alone, you don’t have time to reflect on why the relationship didn’t work out. You are prone to repeating the same blunders. By swearing off guys for a couple of months, you’ll gain perspective. Not saying that you should reject every guy who asks you out – if you’re interested then go ahead. But give yourself some time first

Step 2 Sharpen Your Loser Radar

Of course you didn’t go out LOOKING for a lame guy. You might have been charmed by him and was just blindedsided by his certain qualities and forgetten about his lack of consideration, flakiness, or sometimes lack of respect. Getting swept away is one of the easiest ways to fall for a loser and you lose a sense of objectivity. You really need to take new relationships slowly so you can maintain a certain clarity. Don’t let yourself ignore the red flags so list down some psoitive and negative about him and you can stay focused. Pay attention.

Step 3 Score a Reality Check

Women tend to put too much stock in how a guy acts when he’s around just them. So Pan out – how does he behave around other people? Does he have a good group of buddies? Does he treat his family right? Have a friend or family member check out him – show her his facebook page or set up a gathering together. Trust your friends judgement. I totally agree with this – I always trust my friends judgement on boys.

Step 4 Break Out of your Comfort Zone

People are naturally prone to habits from what they eat for breakfast to the kind of man they are attracted to. One you get into the groove of dating a certain type, it can be hard to change (HA so true for me – yes I do have a certain type I’m trying to break). Ask people from different areas of your life – work, school, sports – to set you up with a guy who them they would be a good fit for you. Even if you don’t feel a spark, going out with men you probably wouldn’t have chosen will steer you away from your old pattern of lame guys.

Step 5 Summon your Inner Bitch

A lot of women who repeatedly date losers suffer from good girl syndrome. They recognize a guy is acting like a total dumbass and put with it because they dont’w ant to risk losing him by calling him out on it or are under the illusion they can change his behavior. The moment you realize a guy is bad news, you must cut him loose. You can’t let yourself believe things will turn out different this time. Imagine what you would say to your friend if she was in the same situation. If you want to tell the guy to screw off, then tell him to screw off – but I would do it in the nice way yeahh i suffer from nice girl syndrome. Yeah it might suck that this guy didn’t work, but it’ll give you an opportunity to pursue better options

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Teeheehee – ladies… join me

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